A heart like mine

Today's topic of discussion is me, facebook, and my twisted relationship with Jesus Christ:

It started last week, when I posted the following image with the comment that, well, he did lose his shit that one time and curse the fig tree:

I only got ONE like for that comment, ONE, which proves that my friends are either more devout and reverent Christians than I am or they're just not welling to admit that they're twisted enough to think that's funny.   Cause if you think about it, making a tree wither and die because it wasn't bearing fruit when you wanted a snack? 

Seriously? 

I think I get to say that.  Saying it on my facebook wall doesn't make it worse.  He has met me.  Kind of like my friend apologizing for complaining about his parent's behavior post divorce in the nave of our church-- really?  It isn't like he doesn't know you're upset with her.   It isn't like he doesn't know I swear.

And it isn't like cursing a fig tree because it doesn't have tasty figs on it isn't at least on the surface a bit much.   I think I get to say this kind of thing by now.   Especially considering I identify with this: 

Sometimes kicking and screaming.   And I don't think God hates figs.  I think that was a case of 'whelp, might as well drive the point of that parable home a little hard today'.   I'm cRaZY, yes, but Noah was a drunk, Peter was an impetuous ass who made promises he couldn't keep, Moses was a murderer, and David was a real jerk when he decided he wanted someone.  My god ran around with whores, rednecks, crazies and government employees.  

I don't think normal is normal in the Kingdom of Heaven.   I think it's the one place my behavior would be considered toned down.   I once had someone ask me what I would do if I was drinking alcohol and watching a horror movie and Jesus came to the door.   I told her I'd do the only appropriate thing to do: 

Invite him inside and offer him a glass!

Edit:  In reference to how I think God sees people, good or bad, repentant or not, I believe with all my heart that God sees each of us and says "this is mine". 

Or see below, thank you facebook: