I watched a horror movie alone last night. It seems stupid. It probably was. I kept thinking about hygienically challenged creepy old ladies who take their teeth out at your desk all night. Which led me to writing this:
Digging yourself into a dead gypsy's graving and shoving a button down her throat isn't going to solve your problems.
I have several other problems with this movie. First, why does the director have the old lady taking her teeth out at Pork Queen's desk? Who does that? I have had all kinds of people sit at my desk, a lot of them as nervous and irritated as Old Gypsy and they have never ever removed their dentures at my desk. I've never even had someone fiddle with them. Secondly, the movie portrays Pork Queen as just a poor ex-fat girl with security issues trying to get ahead. She could have given Old Gypsy an extension on her mortgage but she was trying to make her boss happy. She knew it was wrong. She knew it was wrong and now she represents the American Banking Industry in this film.
My other problem is that Old Gypsy has a mortgage. Most Romani are not settled people. The other problem is the chicken bone wind chimes (they seem to go better with a voodoo flick) and the granddaughter letting Pork Queen into the family home. The problem with that? They don't do that. It would make the place spiritually impure. I'm no expert on these folks, this is just what I've heard.
Pork Queen also makes an unsympathetic victim because of the viciousness with which she fights back Old Gypsy's super human attacks. I don't know very many old ladies who could keep up that level of ferociousness for as long as that one did, let alone anyone who would pay for dentures that ugly. The dentures also come back. Her teeth get knocked out of her head and she puts them back in. Then the corpse vomits into Pork Queen's mouth at the wake.
Are you frickin' serious?
The subplot has Pork Queen being a former fatty. I'm taking a wild guess this is why she's so insecure. She used to be fat. Kind of like the American Banking Industry. They used to be fat (rich) and now they're skinny (less rich) so they have to be insecure and a little evil. It also looks like everything's going to work out for her (and the industry) until the earth opens up and swallows her.
Yeah, no kiddin'. The Earth opens up and swallows her.
Unless you have a real axe to grind with your bank, I wouldn't waste my time with this movie.
Pork Queen is rotten to the core---despite being a vegetarian and volunteering at the puppy shelter.
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