Rock Paper Scissors

Luke 18:9-14 (NRSV)

9 He also told this parable to some who trusted in themselves that they were righteous and regarded others with contempt: 10'Two men went up to the temple to pray, one a Pharisee and the other a tax collector. 11The Pharisee, standing by himself, was praying thus, "God, I thank you that I am not like other people: thieves, rogues, adulterers, or even like this tax collector. 12I fast twice a week; I give a tenth of all my income." 13But the tax collector, standing far off, would not even look up to heaven, but was beating his breast and saying, "God, be merciful to me, a sinner!" 14I tell you, this man went down to his home justified rather than the other; for all who exalt themselves will be humbled, but all who humble themselves will be exalted.'

I found myself telling my coworker the other day that I was awesome.    I had a customer call the office about a house he was buying that day that he thought he'd already gotten insurance on.  He hadn't.  We didn't even know he was buying a house.   Fifteen minutes later, he had insurance, the bank had a binder, and, from what I heard, his closing went smoothly.    That morning, I was pretty awesome at my job.   Several days later, however, in a moment of complete and total idiocy, I did rock, paper, scissor (No lizard or Spock) to see who would take the phone customer and who would take the one in the lobby at (not with) a coworker.   Naturally, instead of seeing through this moment of total insanity to my good-natured awesomeness, our customer took offense and left.   Even revved the engine on his truck.   He came back, and told the personal lines manager (that person I had informed of my awesomeness not too long before) what had happened.  

I have a thousand excuses for that situation.   The only one that makes any sense at all being that it was the stupidest thing I've done in a long time.  Oh, I was overwhelmed and exasperated and trying to figure out how we were going to do everything all at once and I was at that point where you can either laugh or cry, but that guy did not deserve that.  

Would I have walked out in that situation?  Probably not, I probably would have laughed my butt off.   I'm a little different, though, as we have already established, and not at all normal.   I also found myself making excuses.  He was high strung.  The receptionist made it worse.  The customer had terrible timing.   Just about everything but I was having one of the most unprofessional moments of my adult life. 

I imagine the pharisee in the parable was having the same kind of day.   He found himself at the temple and instead of coming up with something meaningful to say to God he started declaring his own...awesomeness.   "God, I thank you that I am not like other people: thieves, rogues, adulterers, or even like this tax collector. 12I fast twice a week; I give a tenth of all my income."  How precious!  If you never do anything wrong, why do you fast twice a week?  We're all suspicious of this guy having a body in his basement or the first century equivalent of a tax shelter in a Swiss bank account but he probably wasn't anything more evil than the rest of us.    Probably doing his best, coming along nicely even, and then he gets a little too confident.   Doesn't even realize that if it wasn't for the grace of God and even a little help from other people that he might have been a thief, a rogue or a tax collector. 

Then he prays to God about how grateful he is that he's not somebody else.  He plays rock paper scissors in the temple.  He does something really really stupid.   We need to slow down sometimes when we get good at our jobs, or start doing really well, or get comfortable in the way we approach worship and shake things up a bit.  Evaluate why we're doing well, why we're getting good at our jobs, and realize it's not because other people are losers and we're winners.   It's not even because God likes us and not someone else. Not at all.

I don't really have much of a point past that.   I don't know why some people win and some people lose.  I know the reason I'm good at my job---which I'm not doing incredibly stupid things---is because I've been fortunate enough to have good bosses who helped me learn to care about what I'm doing by making me realize that it does matter.  It mattered when I was clearing dishes from tables at the Sage Room at age 17 and it mattered when I was working at McDonald's in college.  What we does matter, whether it's big or small.   I didn't learn that on my own.  I had good people showing me how the smallest thing can turn someone's day around ---for good or ill--- and that anything from taking out the garbage to writing an insurance policy can done for the glory of God for the sake of the Kingdom.

Even if sometimes we talk to ourselves more than God in our prayers.

Building Barns

Luke 12:13-21 (NRSV)
¹³ Someone in the crowd said to him, "Teacher, tell my brother to divide the family inheritance with me." ¹⁴ But he said to him, "Friend, who set me to be a judge or arbitrator over you?" ¹⁵ And he said to them, "Take care! Be on your guard against all kinds of greed; for one's life does not consist in the abundance of possessions." ¹⁶ Then he told them a parable: "The land of a rich man produced abundantly. ¹⁷ And he thought to himself, 'What should I do, for I have no place to store my crops?' ¹⁸ Then he said, 'I will do this: I will pull down my barns and build larger ones, and there I will store all my grain and my goods. ¹⁹ And I will say to my soul, 'Soul, you have ample goods laid up for many years; relax, eat, drink, be merry.' ²⁰ But God said to him, 'You fool! This very night your life is being demanded of you. And the things you have prepared, whose will they be?' ²¹ So it is with those who store up treasures for themselves but are not rich toward God."

I said to myself, I said, Self, sit back, relax and watch the show begin.    We've got this all figured out.   Everything is going according to plan and the money's rolling in like waters.  There's too much of it, so we shall proceed to buy a bigger house in which to put more crap.  Because we can buy a bigger house in which to put more crap.   Why?  Because...we can.   Because next year, the housing market might crash and the only thing that's going to help me drown my sorrows is booze with gold flecks in it.   The house that's too big to clean might make me feel better.  Six dollar beers at Applebee's are a non negotiable part of of the budget.  Every.night.they're.part.of.the.budget...  because this marriage works better with alcoholism coupled with consumerism.   Because everything's going to keep going our way.

How long can grain keep?  A couple thousand years, if you have an airtight tomb to put it in.  Unfortunately for King Tut, right now there's a debate going on about where his mummified penis ended up (at least on the Colbert Report there was) and he's not doing any drinking or eating.    He was only 19 when he died.   His grave goods?  Still tasty if I remember correctly.  

It's been a while since I studied up on the mummy's curse.    I'm sure there are a number of ways to interpret this parable.  Especially if we stop where the lectionary does with the line about being rich toward God.  Storing up treasures for ourselves without being rich toward God?  Generous with God?

(I've always wondered how a person can generous to God with money or goods or time.  If we're doing it for praise, we're idiots.  "All things come of thee, oh Lord, and of thine own have we given thee."   Do what you feel called to do or even just what needs to be done and get over it. Quit keeping score, you can't keep up.)

²² Then Jesus said to his disciples: “Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat; or about your body, what you will wear. ²³ For life is more than food, and the body more than clothes. ²⁴ Consider the ravens: They do not sow or reap, they have no storeroom or barn; yet God feeds them. And how much more valuable you are than birds! ²⁵ Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to your life^[b]? ²⁶ Since you cannot do this very little thing, why do you worry about the rest?²⁷ “Consider how the wild flowers grow. They do not labor or spin. Yet I tell you, not even Solomon in all his splendor was dressed like one of these. ²⁸ If that is how God clothes the grass of the field, which is here today, and tomorrow is thrown into the fire, how much more will he clothe you—you of little faith! ²⁹ And do not set your heart on what you will eat or drink; do not worry about it. ³⁰ For the pagan world runs after all such things, and your Father knows that you need them. ³¹ But seek his kingdom, and these things will be given to you as well.

Seek first the Kingdom.  Whatever you do, do it well, and to the glory of God.  Don't exploit people for your own profit.  Make a profit, but benefit other people while you're doing it.   Be generous with what you have.  Be kind.  Let it pinch a little.  It won't kill you.   You might even find the experience of not having to keep up with the tags on eight cars liberating.  

I sell insurance for a living.  My paycheck depends on people worrying about tomorrow in a way.  In another way, it depends on being able to sell a contingency plan for what happens if tomorrow comes and you end up with your car in a ditch or sitting outside your home waiting on the fire department to get there.  Insurance doesn't make your car being in a ditch or your house catching fire not hurt.  It just takes the edge off.  There's a reason we call insureds and their homes "risks" in this business.  The way we make money is figuring out who is more likely to cost us how much money and charge and appropriate amount of money for a promise that we'll be there to help pay for it if something bad happens.    Life is a risk.  With most people, it's not if something bad is going to happen, but when and how bad.

I've had a lot of people sit at my desk.  I can tell you something about every last one of them:  Absolutely none of the really bad stuff that happened to most of them in their lives could have been prevented by worrying.  The couple who pulled out in front of a semi truck?  That job was actually a boon for them, financially speaking.  It was a good thing.  Nobody could have guessed it would have put them in the wrong place at the wrong time.  The poor kid driving the truck is never going to quit asking why he was there.   The lady whose husband choked to death on a sandwich?  I'm sure she never saw that coming.   The relationship doesn't work out, the job gets eliminated, the car breaks down and the washing machine craps out the same day.   Bad things happen.  All the time.  There's a lot of good things, though, that won't happen if you never leave your front door because you're too afraid of what's coming next.    Money's no fun unless you can do something good with it.   It's just there.

So do something good with it.  Do something good with your life.  Quit worrying about tomorrow, but buy insurance.  I need new tires.

Running un-opposed.

Thursday at the office I ran into a problem. I had a house that needed insurance. It was over 100 years old, in good shape, but no central heat and air, and it had been uninsured. Which, if you're wondering, is actually a pretty big problem where house insurance is concerned. Add to that the last "purchase price" on the house was meaningless because it was last purchased 35 years ago. The cost guide I did said the place was worth $93,000 but I didn't think I could get that past the company I was probably going to end up placing the house with.

I needed an educated opinion. To complicate that, I needed an opinion from someone who wouldn't defer to me on this, so my coworkers were out. (I'm not saying they don't know what they're doing. They do. The problem is that I sell more house insurance than they do and guess who trained them? Me. Yeah. Me.) I put in a call to the underwriting team at said company. We come up with $93,000 being too much and do it for $63,000. This makes me happy because I am no longer afraid I'm over-insuring this house and getting the old guy (who I actually like) to pay more premium than he needs to on his home. I also knew the customer would defer to me on this. I wanted to make sure I wasn't doing something wrong. (Industry secret: Your insurance person doesn't really want you to just buy whatever they tell you too. They want your input. For reals. Not joking. )

Sometimes you need someone who's going to doubt your opinion. You need to know that if they think you're an idiot (or just being stupid at the time) they're going to tell you. You need someone who's going to stand up to you if they think you're wrong. Being someone's friend doesn't mean nodding in agreement to every hair-brained thing they think of doing. It has occurred to me lately that going to a church where your every political and theological opinion runs unopposed is just as dangerous as well. Where spirituality is concerned, especially the will of God, letting someone just run around thinking that clouds are marshmallows in the sky if it makes them happy is dangerous. Why? Some day the issue might be more serious than marshmallows in the sky.

The one thing I've learned about the Holy Spirit is that he generally doesn't send out memos to just one person. If no one else has the same idea as you about something you think God wants you have a problem. You also have a problem if everybody in your faith community assumes that you have a direct line to God that rings on your desk and that if you think it about a topic it must be so. So here's the thing guys: If you are a leader in your community and you don't have anyone around who tells you when you're acting like an idiot---get one. Seriously. There's nothing wrong with having a lot of people trust you but if you're not careful you could end up with a dolphin fountain in the middle of the narthex surrounded by Pepto-Bismol pink tile with a troupe of dancing girls playing in it every third Sunday of the month. Why? No one wanted to tell Father no...

So don't pick a church because no one won't like you. Actually, don't pick a church at all. Listen to what your heart is telling you and find the place you're supposed to be. If you sense that God is pointing you in that direction, listen. Even if it's been infiltrated by Republicans/liberals/Democrats/conservatives. So what if there's not a rock band. So what if they don't/do pray off the cuff. So what if someone there isn't going to like you. I have people in my family who won't even friend me on Facebook but I'm not going to go out and find a new one because of it. Give it a shot. Visiting doesn't make you a member.

Sometimes the thing you're afraid of is the thing you need the most. Someone to tell you when there's a booger on your face. I didn't get to go to church for the first five years after my conversion. Guess what I hadn't picked up on? Baptism. Yup. Baptism. Didn't know I needed it. Someone told me and it changed my life. Sometimes you miss the really obvious stuff.

My mother told someone the other day that I'm rabidly Episcopalian. Why yes, I am. I am rabidly Episcopalian because they taught me that even in one church there are many ways to see God. Many ways to love him. Many ways to love her. That even if I think someone's missing what seems obvious to me they're still my family. They know it too. Yes, we drive each other nuts. If we didn't have each other there might be a dolphin fountain in the narthex. Or shiny choir robes. Or no choir at all.

Yeah. It takes all the people to make a church. All the people to make sure someone doesn't defer to one person's opinion all the time and end up on one extreme of a stereotype.

Now you are the body of Christ and individually members of it. And God has appointed in the church first apostles, second prophets, third teachers, then miracles, then gifts of healing, helping, administrating, and various kinds of tongues. 29 Are all apostles? Are all prophets? Are all teachers? Do all work miracles? Do all possess gifts of healing? Do all speak with tongues? Do all interpret?

Well do ya, punk?