I didn't ask you to

Call this an irritation series or a series on irritation (Let's face it, I probably won't post more than one of these) ...

I hate it when people respond to a statement about something you're doing or going to do with the words "I don't agree with that" like you asked them to. It happened to me more in college when people were more likely to be dumb enough to think I would care. Who does that anyway?

"Oh church is going to be so fun this weekend! We're baptizing a couple of babies and I'm making cheesecake that doubles as finger food and..."

"I don't agree with that."

Did I ask you to? No, I didn't. I told you what we're going to do this weekend. No one asked your permission. You don't ask my permission to do things at your places of worship. I don't particularly enjoy or agree with some of the things your 'people' do but you aren't asking me, are you?

I have the same problem with people who aren't religious. I have the same response. Okay... I knew that. Yep, sweetie, I've known you for ten years, known you were an atheist for about that long, still talking to you, dearest, not going to change.

Speaking of people who don't agree with a lot of what I do... I distinctly remember a girl asking me what I'd do if Jesus walked into my living room while my friends and I were drinking wine and watching horror movies. I looked at her, dumbfounded at the silliness of the question and said:

Offer him a glass and apologize for the quality of the vintage?

Ebil Spirits.

We got snowed out of work today. My boss sent me home as soon as I got there. So I did what every good American does with a snow day---I paid my bills (pay day) and then proceeded to bundle up on the couch and watch stupid television for the duration of the day. I ended up on Animal Planet watching a show called "Haunted" and saw ... a demonically oppressed Yorkshire Terrier. I kid you not. The demon haunting the house was bothering the dog.

I tried to find one. There isn't an image of a demonic looking yorkie to be found. It's unfortunate. They're actually pretty cute even if they have just done something bordering on unforgivable. I'll substitute a picture of my dog that I "doctored" for your entertainment.


I think Maddie might have a bit of yorkie in there somewhere, I guess she'll have to do.
Moving on. So I'm watching this and they start doing what I'd call a minor exorcism on the dog. I didn't know whether to laugh or cry. I've seen the Roman Catholic priest in question on TV several times and I think he'll do a house exorcism for anyone with a camera crew. That being said, provided the dog really was demonically oppressed this has to be a new low. Dogs? Really? You going after kitty cats next?

Judging from some of the cats, I've had I think they may have already done that. Yorkies aside, I'm going to put out that I really do believe that there are evil spirits around. I believe that devils are real. Why? I've seen things, felt things that make me think so. I know, I'm stepping outside of that nice liberal Christian box people like to put me in again. I'm sorry to disappoint you.

Let me make one thing absolutely clear: It is not necessary to blame Satan for things he did not do.

Specifically:

1. Disney movies. I'm pretty sure bored staff are to blame for the bishop's boner in the mermaid movie. In fact, I'd bet money on it. I also don't think they ever thought anyone would notice but they weren't counting on fundamentalist zeal in their hatred for companies that are nice to people who aren't straight.
   
2. Rap music. Human beings have dirty minds without demonic intervention. Seriously.
   
3. Rock music. I have never in my life got up and worshiped the devil after listening to a Marilyn Manson song.
   
4. Crime. I'm fairly certain most murders and rapists are just broken in a way that makes them like hurting people. Some of them, maybe not so much, but the vast majority can be pinned on human nature.
   
5. President Obama's election. Guys, seriously, if he's the anti-Christ, Hell's going to have to do better. His complexion has too many of you on high alert for ways to justify your thinly suppressed racism. I don't think there's a whole lot of actual evil he can get away with. Good stuff the Republican news machine can spin to sound evil? Plenty.
   
6. Dancing.
7. Dinosaurs.
   
8. Evolution. It isn't Lucifer's fault people engage in a weird kind of book worship that makes them think God has to tell them everything. He's the creator of the universe guys, and allowed to have 'trade secrets' that we get to figure out on our own.
   
9. Abortion. These happen for a lot of reasons but evil spirits aren't one of them.
   
10. Tarot cards and horoscopes.

I think if we focus on the things that hell actually does, we'll have a better chance of combating them, don't you? Don't be an idiot. Either way. Don't ignore it until you have lamps flying off the table at your head and don't look for evil in everything you don't like.

Be sober and self-controlled. Be watchful. Your adversary, the devil, walks around like a roaring lion, seeking whom he may devour. 1 Peter 5:8

Monopolies.

I'm afraid I've been thinking again. Will someone please shoot me for that?

Christians and white people do not have a monopoly on racism or intolerance. The news media would like us to think that they do, but they don't. We all see the news reports from the Christian Right (I wish I didn't have to use those words together sometimes.) about how Christianity is being marginalized blah blah blah stores won't say Merry Christmas. Well, that's a whole other rant, but it's not what I'm talking about. I'll tell you Merry Christmas, you tell me you're going to go light a Yule log and we'll both be happy sipping eggnog by the fire. All is well.

Racism and white people. In the news media, if the racist in question is not suitably pale, they become a reverse racist. Why call it reverse? Why not call it what it is? Racism is racism. If someone thinks I'm a stupid white girl who doesn't understand any Spanish and starts talking crap about me to their friend at my desk because I'm white, that's racism. It isn't reverse anything. When a girl I ran around with in junior high was ugly to one of my friends and accused me of defending her because we were both white, that was racism. When her mother started screaming at me over the telephone and called me all manner of ugly names, it was racism. There's nothing reverse about it. When Jeremiah Wright starts ranting about white people, he's being a racist. When the President doesn't run for the hills when he starts doing this, I understand. I didn't disown the racists in my family either. (If I was running for office it might be a different story, but I have no such ambition.) I don't understand the media's psychological need to pretend that Caucasian people are the only ones who can be called racists without any sort of qualifier.

Intolerance is likewise a universal disease. I don't understand why I have to tell people of another religion that I don't hold such and such opinion just because I'm a Christian. I don't understand why they think I'll be offended if they hold a different view. Well, I'm telling everyone now: I am well aware that Jesus of Nazareth was a middle eastern Jew and looked more like Osama Bin Laden than a preppy blond boy with blue eyes. I am also well aware that there are still Jews around today who are well within their rights to have the theological opinion that Jesus of Nazareth was not the Messiah. That's okay. I am aware that not all Muslims are terrorists. I am aware that Wiccans don't worship the Devil or even believe he exists in most cases. Hindus, insofar as I have had contact with them, are inoffensive religiously. I have the same opinion of Buddhists. I'm going to show my ass a little here and admit that Voodoo scars the crap right out of me and makes me squirm a bit but I think that under the constitution, people should be allowed to do what they want as long as it doesn't break any laws. I'm pretty sure I've left someone out, but rest assured, I don't have a problem with someone automatically because they're an atheist, an agnostic, or a genuine pagan.

I am, however, intolerant of other Christians. I can be just rude as hell about another church. I guess that makes me intolerant. I don't think I even deserve a qualifier for this. Should we call it internal intolerance? Reverse rudeness? I am intolerant of intolerant Christians. I can't stand people who publicly demand that their religion be put on a pedestal and treated better. I can't stand people who think they know what God hates and get on TV when they're expressing their opinions all the time. I don't like people who think prayer should pay out gallons of money or that the Holy Spirit is a lap dog that should do tricks for their amusement. I can't stand people who think that just because they have chosen to ignore all music that doesn't have a dove or a giant cross on the record label, that the rest of us should too. If God doesn't trust your church with alcohol, I'm sorry. 2,000 years of table fellowship involving booze and carbs are not going to be outdone by your silliness. I am also sorry that you have chosen to exile your queer folk. It would be sad if I were you, but I'm not.

I guess this makes me intolerant. Woo hoo!