Making it so

“When I use a word," Humpty Dumpty said in rather a scornful tone, "it means just what I choose it to mean - neither more nor less.” ~Lewis Carroll, Alice in Wonderland.

I hear a lot about what things really are, and what they really mean lately.  I've heard this all my life.  Easter is really a pagan holiday because it's English name is similar to a pagan goddess's name and the eggs have nothing to do with Jesus and the chocolate has even less and what's the deal with the rabbits? It all ends with "and if you celebrate it, you're basically worshiping Satan".   I have three words to say about that, and one of them would embarrass my mother, HINT: initials are WTF.  One of the things I've learned over the years from being in church more often than any normal human being is that a lot of things have multiple layers of meaning.   Easter is a great example.   To the untrained, unread eye that tends to swallow things as long as they're laced with a spoonful of God-talk sugar to make the *cough* medicine go down, the Easter legend seems sensible.

Here's the problem, it's not.   The date of Easter, far from being determined by proximity to Beltane, is determined every year by the date of Passover, a Jewish festival being celebrated to this day in the same fashion (and therefore the date being determined in the same manner) just like it was that week when Jesus, Yeshua to his friends, was crucified around the same time.   It happens to occur in the spring.  The eggs?  A symbol of new life and fertility.  The bunnies?  That one is a mystery wrapped in an enigma and I think it's kind of stupid.   Why do we call it Easter when everyone else calls it Pascha?   English is weird.  You want proof?  Go to an Episcopal church for the last five days of Holy Week.  If you still think it's all of a bunch of hidden worship to devil gods I don't think I can help you.

There are a lot of unhappy people in this world who want to take whatever joy other people have away from them.   Unfortunately, someone gave them internet access.  So we are bombarded constantly with messages that the things we love are really things we hate in disguise and that we shouldn't trust them.  I think a lot of them write for Chick Tracts.  (Scroll down a little bit on this one and check out the fine print on "Wassup" It's "Hi there" 'adapted for black audiences'.)  The thing is, even the symbols that have been co-opted for evil in varying ways really  mean something else, so you can take it all with a grain of salt.
Example:

The inverted cross was co-opted by devil worshipers for their "Black Mass", probably somewhere in the 16th and 17th centuries (I can't find a date on it, this is my suspicion only, it may only stretch back as far as Anton LaVey and his cohorts.)  but it was originally, and when I say originally I mean the thing dates back to 200 A.D., the Cross of St. Peter.  Legend has it that when Peter was martyred he asked to be crucified upside down because he didn't feel worthy to die in the same way that Jesus did.    I guess someone should rethink the nursery theme for Rosemary's baby, right?

Anybody want me to do more of these?

Saying the Magic Words

Last night I encountered a horror previously unknown to me: Chick Tracts. I knew there was such a thing, but, well, this is a whole new level of crazy clown Christianity previously unknown to... well, me. Normally, I try to avoid criticizing other Christians for their particular brand of crazy because I have my own but this was too much.

Way too much. First of all, the topic rather strange. It's a tract about Masonry really being witchcraft. Something again, that I've heard before but largely dismissed because I know too many Masons. It's kind of fun to look at conspiracy theories, but let's get real: It's a fraternity. Nothing too darned weird about it. That aside, even if they were sacrificing kittens in basements to the basement rats this tract would still be uncalled for. It starts out with a couple hearing the news that their son has shot himself. Scary, right? Wait... it gets scarier. He could live, but he doesn't really want to. Why?

His dad is a mason---and he's brought witchcraft into their home by being one. Really? Seriously? You piss God off and he's going to make your kid hold a gun to his head? First it's Baphomet, then it's Baal, then it's Osiris, then it's Allah, and they're all Satan--- they can't even make up their little mind which god these people supposedly worship.

Then, after their buddy convinces them their friends have been duping them into worshiping a pantheon of gods completely unrelated to each other because of a series of unconnected interpretations of symbols that don't just mean one thing, they say the magic words and their boy gets better.

So what have we learned from reading this piece of garbage?

1. God is an asshole who is going to punish your children for sins you didn't even know you were committing.
   
2. Satan is every god under the sun that anyone's ever worshiped. (I'm sure he'll be pleasantly surprised at the promotion.)
   
3. The only way to keep God from killing your kids because you did something associated with something that was associated with something that was associated with something is to say the 'magic words'. If you don't say the magic words, then God will hate you forever because you didn't join his club of special people.
   

I'm calling bullshit on this sort of thinking.

1. If you actually loved God you would obey him out of love, not fear. Mowing the lawn because your father threatens to kick your ass if you don't isn't healthy. Mowing the lawn because it needs to be done or because he asked you too is a bit more normal.
   
2. Jesus points out that God makes the sun shine on the wicked and the righteous alike. If God were singling out assholes for natural disasters, Westboro, Kansas would be a gaping crater in the earth.
   
3. Christianity is a religion. There are no magic words. Baptism is not magic, confession is not magic, and no one translation of the Bible is the one that Paul carried. For one thing, he wrote most of the New Testament, in Greek, so I doubt he had a KJV in his back pocket. We were all 'saved' when Christ died and rose from the dead. Christianity is about recognizing that and working toward living into that promise.
   
4. If my salvation depends on me saying the right words, I am totally screwed. It also degrades Christ's sacrifice. If him dying for us poor sinners and getting up even when he was dead because there was work to be done wasn't enough then there's nothing that can be done for most of us. I'm not saying there isn't infinite good in recognizing it and continuing in Christian teaching and fellowship. There is. I'm saying that I don't and shouldn't have the power to nullify that sacrifice in anyway. I can't. You can't. It's over. He wasn't kidding when he said "it is finished'.

In short, God is not an asshole.

Please spread the word. Leave a copy of this in the bathroom at McDonald's.