Reasons not to hate Barbie dolls

I think I was 14 when I turned on my Barbie dolls. By then none of them had any clothes. They had all been lost. Ken had a regular harem. (I only had ONE Ken doll.) I made them do 'unspeakable' things out of pure boredom. They ended up where they still reside to this day---naked in the attic at Mom & Dad's house. Abandoned. Dusty. Covered with blown in insulation.

An article I read on Episcopal priest Barbie made me rethink this today. No, not because I admire them because somebody made a "Rev. Barbie". People have done similar things with old Barb before. Personally, I want a Trailer Trash Barbie. It will go nicely with my 'big girl toys'. (Dashboard Jesus & Indiana Jones will have friends!) I even want Ken with a mullet. It would be awesome... but I digress and it's already way past my birthday. I'm NOT hinting guys.

There are reasons to love Barbie. One that I discovered today is that Ken is her accessory and not the other way around. Ken is afterthought. He's even neutered. Have you ever noticed that Barbie is always in the driver's seat? Yeah. She is. She's in the driver's seat because Ken is an accessory. He's about as important as the little plastic purse you lose five minutes after opening a box with a new Barbie in it.

Barbie's boobs are also a subject of controversy. So much so that she is the only fashion model in history to have had them shrunk. People say they aren't realistic. Well, here's the deal ladies and gents, they are. Lots of girls have big boobs and no surgical scars to show for it. I don't know why people feel sorry for the girls with the small ones---they can buy bras places other than the internet. Barbie doesn't zap my self esteem because she has to buy extended size bras---she enhances it! She's made just as good of friends with the catalogs as I have. Considering I've had this problem since high school I don't see why this is a problem. I was getting this problem in grade school---and being mocked for it too. I bet Barbie got mooed at too. It goes both ways.

So she's disproportionate! So she's got plastic feet permanently altered to wear heels! So what! Barbie is a jack of all trades. She's had wings, she's had running shoes, she's had fins, she's been a doctor, a lawyer, the butcher, the baker, the candlestick maker, and even the vicar! Lots of women wear lots of crazy hats. Cut her some slack. I bet she even does plumbing when Ken (who doesn't seem to have a job?) isn't around.